Author: Wade McRoberts

I'm a follower of Jesus Christ. I graduated from the United States Air Force Academy in 1976 and served in the Air Force for 29 years. I flew the A-7D, the A-10A, the F-117A, and the F-16C. After retirement in 2005, I worked as a defense contractor. I was diagnosed with ALS in April, 2018. I received my tracheostomy in December, 2019, and have been breathing with the aid of a ventilator since. I have lost total use of my limbs, and write using a tablet with eye-gaze technology. I want to share my journey with you and share the hope that I have in the Lord Jesus!
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Time Management

For God has not destined us for wrath, but for obtaining salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us, so that whether we are awake or asleep, we will live together with Him. Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing.  (1 Thessalonians 5: 9-11, NASB)
After my diagnosis of ALS, I spent some time trying to figure out what purpose God had in mind for me (see my previous essay from August 15). In the meantime, I received an email from Joe Shirey, a friend, Air Force Academy classmate, and my Sunday School teacher. He attached an excellent pamphlet by Pastor John Piper called “Don’t Waste Your Cancer.”

Pastor Piper wrote the pamphlet on the eve of his surgery for prostate cancer. He says, “Cancer is not wasted when it is healed by God. He gets the glory, and that is why cancer exists. So not to pray for healing may waste our cancer.” He goes on to remind believers in Christ that the current pain or affliction is “the labor pains of a new creation.” That is, when we die, we’ll become new, and we’ll be in the presence of the Lord!

One can use the title of the pamphlet to address whatever difficultly he or she is going through. Strike the word “Cancer” and insert your difficulty. In my case it’s Don’t Waste Your ALS. While praying for my own healing, I can also use whatever capabilities I have to glorify God. Piper states that not everyone will be healed from their disease. But I can still look for those chances to share the love of Jesus. I’m capable of loving God, loving other people, praying for those in distress, etc.

My friend Joe is an excellent example of not wasting his cancer.  A 20-plus-year cancer survivor (non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma), he has shared this pamphlet with many people. He has ministered to many people with cancer and other diseases. That’s one reason we suffer: So that we can help others when they suffer. In my efforts to not waste my ALS, can I not look for opportunities to help others and share God’s love with them?

The verses above remind us that whether alive or passed on, we still have Jesus. Because of that wonderful news, we’re to encourage each other. And because of Jesus’ love, there is hope in His name!

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Breathing

Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.Praise the Lord! (Psalm 150: 6, NASB)
Psalm 150 is introduced as a “Psalm of Praise.” Indeed, each line speaks in some way of praising God. This is something that I can still do, even with ALS.

Breathing is a special interest item for me. Since the diaphragm is a muscle, with ALS it’s subject to gradual weakness followed by failure. After diagnosis, my neurologist always asked how my breathing was going. For a long while it was fine. I was assigned to a pulmonologist at the local VA hospital. He prescribed a BiPap machine, and the idea was to wear it at night. It was to help me breathe, resulting in less fatigue during the day.

Over time, I found I needed the machine during parts of the day as I would get winded. When I was relying on the BiPap almost full time, we agreed it was time for a tracheostomy. Since I received the trach (20 months ago), I have had an incident of respiratory failure (ended up in the emergency room) and had several cases of oxygen deprivation (hypoxia). I’m now breathing full time with a ventilator.  Suffice it to say, whereas before all this I took breathing for granted, these days it has my undivided attention!

The Bible verse above lets us know who should praise the Lord. When I wake up in the morning and come to my senses, and realize I’m breathing, I think of this verse, then spend some time praising the Lord. Why? Because of Who He is! And because I can! I stand on His promises to me and I have to praise Him. I think of the words to the hymn “How Great Thou Art.” When Sue opens the blinds in my room, I think through “When Morning Gilds the Skies.” God likes it when His people praise Him.

When Jesus made His triumphal entry into Jerusalem, the crowds showered Him with praises. Some Pharisees in the throng thought it was wrong for Him to accept worship, and told Him to rebuke the crowd. But Jesus replied that if the people wouldn’t praise Him, then even the stones would cry out. I don’t know about you, but I’m not going to be outdone by a bunch of rocks! God likes it when His people praise Him!

So if you’re breathing, praise the Lord! There is hope in His name!

Worship: Psalm 150, The Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir  

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You’re terminal. Now what?

“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And He said to him, “ ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.”  (Matthew 22: 36-40, NASB)

In this passage, Jesus is confronted by a Pharisaic lawyer who is trying to trap Him. Jesus answers his question on the great commandment by paraphrasing the great Jewish prayer, The Shema. The message is simple: Love God with everything you’ve got. Jesus adds the second commandment, love other people. If we can concentrate on those two things, everything else will fall into place!

After my diagnosis of ALS, after the shock had worn off, and I had come to my senses, I prayed and asked God to give me some direction. What would He want me to do with ALS? After all, I was headed to the unknown. I was already unable to walk, and over time I was sure to become less able, to the point of total dependency. How would someone in my state be able to carry out God’s commands?

Over the next days and weeks, the answer started to be clear. During Bible study, I prayed and tried to pay attention to God’s commands to see which ones I could do, and which ones would be impossible. It was as if God was saying, “I want you to do the same things I wanted you to do before. Nothing has changed.” There seemed to be nothing in the Bible that ALS would prevent me from doing. The only limitations I would have would be the same as before: My humanity and my sin nature.

For example, Jesus says I’m to love God and love people. I can still try to do those, ALS or not. And over time I’ve found it best to concentrate on what I CAN do versus what I can’t do.

On loving God: I can still study His Word to learn more about His laws and His goodness. I can still talk with Him.

On loving people: I still interact with people. My mission field is different: Hospitals, doctor’s offices, plus I have doctors, nurses, and therapists coming to me. I can’t speak, but I can still show God’s love to them. And I can still pray!

Love has a name: His name is Jesus!

Worship:  Love the Lord, by Lincoln Brewster 

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Just when I thought this day couldn’t get any worse. . .

Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.  (Romans 15:13, NASB)

“You have ALS.” The neurologist’s words were direct and almost matter-of-fact. It was a sucker punch to the gut. A bucket of ice water dumped over my head. A neurologist at the VA said, “She dumped a load of bricks in your lap.”  I was in shock. My wife Sue, seated on a couch behind my transport chair, must have been as well. She was out of my view, but the doctor looked at her, then passed a box of tissues past me to her.

Until then, we thought the neurological condition I had was treatable and curable. But in that moment I received a death sentence. Had I been on death row I’d be considered a “dead man walking.” But I was no longer walking and I had taken my last steps some time ago. I considered myself a Dead Man Not Walking.

A million (well, a thousand) thoughts went through my mind in the next few minutes and into the night. How much longer do I have? How will I die? What will happen between now and then? What about my plans? What hope is there?

 Sue and I had plans: Traveling to see our kids; a cruise to Alaska; lots of golf together and with friends after retirement in a couple more years (OK, I’m a lousy golfer, so maybe it’s best that one went away). Old Yiddish proverb: We plan, and God laughs. I realized soon that despite my best plans, God would override them. I would have to trust that no matter what would happen to me, His plan is far better for me.

Since my diagnosis a little over three years ago, I’ve lost total use of my limbs; I’ve had a tracheostomy and am now 100% reliant on a ventilator to breathe; and I’m no longer able to safely eat or drink for fear of aspirating the food and drink into my lungs. I’ve gone from a fully functional human being (some will question that) to one not capable of any physical action. Is there hope? If so, how and why?

I have to tell you that my hope is in the Lord. I’m a sinner saved by the grace of God though the blood of His Son Jesus Christ. Because of His mercy toward me, I have the hope of eternal life, a home in heaven in the presence of the Lord. I have hope in healing because of the resurrection power of Jesus Christ. If you, like me, have ALS, some other terminal disease, or you’re in some other situation that seems hopeless, you too can find hope by placing your faith and trust in Jesus Christ! Accept God’s most precious gift: His Son.  A line from the old hymn: “My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.”

Hope has a name: His name is Jesus.

Worship: My Hope, Hillsong Worship, featuring Darlene Zschech